He's the guy who makes sure the trees' shirttails are in. Mike Nelson: Clearly Merlin has brought good into the world! Crow T. Robot: Today the moon narrowly missed hitting a man's eye like a big pizza pie. Dead I tell ya! Ah, sure, good kids, they mean well and all, but - You know, you'd think that between all those modern dance interpretations - which I like, don't get me wrong - they could throw in a peppy Vegas-style show-stopper. Hey Cambot! You guys ready? Crow T. Robot: Could you get your stomach off my desk please? Crow T. Robot: I think the cameraman's falling asleep. I'm not paying for this! Tom Servo: Oh, then I'm sorry about that. Crow: Once that robot gets into gear, you're really going to see him kick some Aztec. [Joe Don Baker leaves the village after the villagers nursed him back to health]. A physics teacher invents a time machine in a light aircraft. Now I actually like "Gorgo," but when we reviewed it for my number 1 best-selling Movie and Video Guide, it put two of my assistant editors into intensive care. Joel: Right, and what do all these sports have in common that sidehacking does not? Crow T. Robot: That's not something you heard much during the Bush administration. Please, no! [Crow is dressed as Mary Tyler Moore, but Mike "Ted Baxter" Nelson and Tom "Lou Grant" Servo refuse to treat him as Mary Richards]. Tom Servo: Yeah, really, really kill him! Appolonia James: [Narrating] Fingal was my first dopple. Joel Robinson: Action sequences filmed in Confuse-O-Vision! Crow T. Robot: [as princess] Sure did. You're not the evil type. "A Christmas Editorial" by Crow T. Robot. Crow T. Robot: Nothing's happening *so* fast! Tom Servo: Ooh a real sepia tone has come over the crowd. That was nothing compared to this. Dr. Forrester: Well Joel, as you know many prominent American woodworkers have, well... Dr. Forrester: Yes. Crow T. Robot: I remember that. Mike Nelson: Hey, look, behind Longbone, there's Waldo! Cambot, roll that footage. TV's Frank: Joel! Dr. Lawrence Erhardt: Joel, do the words oxygen deprivation mean anything to you? Crow: [while watching "Angels Revenge"] This was Jim Backus' first film after he died. Eddy Crane: You call that singing? Dr. Forrester: Go ahead and sing, pantywaist. Crow T. Robot: Geez, did somebody tape a dinner roll to his chin? Crow T. Robot: But Ernest Borgnine isn't green! Everybody else is down here - not me. They laughed when I made the more painful mouse-trap, but my entrance in the Mad Scientist competition is going to make me famous. Tom Servo: This is a little ridiculous. Here's the group, here's their gang. Joel: You guys are making fun of those two twins in the movie and their faith in Mothra, aren't you? Crow T. Robot: Let's go kill something we don't understand. Crow T. Robot: Yeah! Gypsy: Now I understand why he's so sick. Crow T. Robot: Hi, folks. Crow T. Robot: [as McCreedy runs] Buddy Ebsen, triathlete. Pearl Forrester: The credits keep on rolling throughout the movie! I tried... Crow T. Robot: Sentence fragments... Just phrases! Well, I'm not. The candy machine by the men's room is out of order! Mike Nelson: Get the holy drippings and make the sacred gravy. Crow T. Robot: Bart Fargo is... Hard to Watch! Outlaw: [muffled] There's to be no talking by Prince Jaamteer's command. PLEASE? Joel: [speaking for a character] Thought you might need help padding up the last ten minutes of the film. Little Sweet Kenny. Mike Nelson: Oh, that's okay, Bobo. Tom Servo: You know, just because you CAN edit doesn't mean you SHOULD. Kobras: ...and to earth you shall return! Ava: My uncle gave it to me for protection. My heart was in my throat. And if you don't tell me... Time for the physical! Crow T. Robot: Stay on the left! Oh no, it is! She's a chimpanzee and her name is Emily. Mike Nelson: [as Xenos] I really don't know. Tom Servo: [about McCreedy] He's the abusive grandfather I never had! Tom Servo: [as Gladys Kravitz] Abner, come look! I need to find out why I was considered as elusive as him. Tom Servo: You say that like it's a bad thing. Tom Servo: Ssh! Wait a minute. When going after Moby Dick, take along the tartar sauce!". Tom Servo: Well whaddaya know, a random citizen who can kick a werewolf's ass. Maya: You've been reading too many novels by Fleming. Joel: I think this movie just broke the goofy-meter. I think it's a good idea. About eight I think. Joel: Well, I guess it's time for you guys to start experimenting on us again. Danish clowns. Dr. Forrester: Well, here it comes, Joel: "Mitchell"! ", [the sheriff shows Dr. Hogan some photographs]. Mike Nelson: Some have described me as an ambulatory mound of suet. Crow T. Robot: No I'm not! Crow T. Robot: Well, for one thing, your face is too friendly, and your eyebrows, they arc gently as opposed to jutting inward, and, well, frankly, Joel. Crow T. Robot: [as Troy] This is just like when they bury me every week at school, and give me pink-belly and hang me from the goal-post and shave my head and magic-marker my wienie and stuff me in my locker. Joel Robinson: [after the infamous "person-imitating a telephone ring"] Unbelievable. Crow T. Robot: Are you sure you're buying the right KIND of jumpsuit? Do a lotta coke and vote for Ronald Reagan! Mike Nelson: That was the last guy's name! Crow T. Robot: Or, eat an apple: nature's toothbrush.